


Operation Scary Date

by beetlebee, keepyourpantsongohan



Category: Naruto
Genre: (Please Look At Me), Alternate Universe - Magic, Curses of Curses, F/M, Fanart, Farce, Friendship, Humour, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Romance, Valentine's Collab Event Even Though It's November, Wizard Tinder, all of them - Freeform, don't look at me, they're all in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 07:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21316507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlebee/pseuds/beetlebee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepyourpantsongohan/pseuds/keepyourpantsongohan
Summary: YOU MATCHED WITH TOBI ON TUESDAY.Tobi: cum 2 my castle toniteYamato: Hello to you too. Can I ask about the pictures? It’s hard to see what you look like.Tobi: ull see what i look like soon enoughYamato: You’re kinda weird. Lucky I like that. Where do you live?Tobi: the woodsYamato: I’m going to bet you don’t get a lot of matches on here, huh?Tobi: why would u say that(Art by beetlebee, writing by keepyourpantsongohan)
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Nohara Rin, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi & Yamato | Tenzou, Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou/Nohara Rin/Uchiha Obito, Nohara Rin & Uchiha Obito, Nohara Rin & Yamato | Tenzou, Uchiha Obito & Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 27
Kudos: 317





	Operation Scary Date

**Author's Note:**

> A collaboration by sloaners (beetlebee) and myself for Sloaners’ Disastrous Discord’s spring event, based on the Terribly Romantic Prompt, “[Character] gets cursed by a ridiculous artifact and the cure is not much better with Love Epiphany.” Art by sloaners, writing by keepyourpantsongohan.

_YOU MATCHED WITH TOBI ON TUESDAY._ **  
**

**Tobi:** cum 2 my castle tonite

**Yamato: **Hello to you too. Can I ask about the pictures? It’s hard to see what you look like.

**Tobi: **ull see what i look like soon enough

**Yamato:** You’re kinda weird. Lucky I like that. Where do you live?

**Tobi:** the woods

**Yamato:** I’m going to bet you don’t get a lot of matches on here, huh?

**Tobi:** why would u say that

—

_YOU MATCHED WITH TOBI ON TUESDAY._

**Tobi:** cum 2 my castle tonite

**Isobu:** strong opener; convince me.

**Tobi:** i can be a beast in my chambers

**Isobu:** if I had a gold coin for every time I heard that, I could put myself through knight school again.

**Tobi:** im… tall? and we matched so u must think im good-looking

**Isobu:** fair. where am I supposed to find this castle, anyway?

**Tobi:** the woods in the north under the light of the full moons glare at dusk  
  
**Isobu:** that’s oddly specific  
  
**Tobi:** everyones a critic

—

_YOU MATCHED WITH TOBI ON TUESDAY._

**Tobi:** cum 2 my castle tonite

**Sukea: **okay.

**Tobi:** wait what just like that?

**Sukea:** yeah. is that a problem?

**Tobi:** no i mean… good. this is all according to plan

**Sukea:** that’s kind of a weird thing to say.

**Tobi:** im new at this

**Sukea: **dating, or talking to other people?

**Tobi: **pass. north woods at 8?

**Sukea: **i might be late. there are black cats in those woods, and i’d hate to cross their paths.

**Tobi: **dont worry about time. we will have plenty of it soon

**Sukea:** do you always talk to your dates this way?

**Tobi:** pretty much

* * *

The third time Rin’s mace gets stuck in a tree branch, she wonders if it was entirely a good decision to let Kakashi make her Kindling profile.

There’s something to be said for quality screening, and the type of images one displays on their profile says a lot for who might be drawn to match. She didn’t even take a good look at her alias before they began their attempts to swipe through every enchanted being in their area. While Rin has always considered her taste in partners a little bit _out there_, it’s never been quite so literal before. One league back, she swears she heard the voice of a man yelling from above.

This better be a good date, Rin thinks, whacking some of the foliage out of her face.

“It helps if you go under instead of through,” says a voice behind her.

Startled, Rin turns around. “Tenzō?”

Partly obscured by the denseness of the woods, she sees her friend wave at her. “I didn’t expect to see anyone else here tonight.”

“Me either,” Rin says, bending and reaching out a hand to pull him forward. The forest seems happy to bend around him, twisting to make room for him to stand beside her. “You’re not Tobi, are you? There were a lot of masks and odd lighting choices.”

Tenzō’s eyebrows disappear under his face plate. “Tobi?”

“My date,” she explains.

He folds his arms, making a speculative noise. “Mine too,” Tenzō replies, narrowing his eyes.

“Sleaze, or trap?” Rin asks.

“What time is your date?”

“A quarter after the eighth hour.”

With a sigh, Tenzō declares, “Sleaze. My date’s at half past. A decent kidnapper would make sure his victims wouldn’t cross paths.”

Rin shrugs. “Doesn’t say much for his dating strategy either. How smart can you really be to meet up with so many dates at the same location? And who’d choose to be in these woods, anyway?”

“We’re here,” Tenzō points out with a dry look.

Grinning, Rin replies, “Yes, well, we think Kakashi’s handsome. No one ever said anything good about our taste.”

“I wonder how his date is going,” Tenzō muses, laughing. “Better than ours I hope.”

Rin’s smile fades as a heavy wind from the sky catches her attention. A great dragon bears down upon them, hurtling unevenly as if it has just grown its wings overnight. She raises her voice to be heard over the rustling trees. “Definitely better than ours. Is it just me or does the cloak on that dragon look familiar?”

“Trap,” says Tenzō apologetically, as a set of claws wrap around his waist.

* * *

“So… does he do this often?” Kakashi asks, carefully balancing the next piece on top of his tower.

The creature responds with a, “Be quiet, brat,” from beneath his heavy pile of robes. Kakashi suspects the garment is mostly for show. Whoever’s underneath shifts their weight too much to be all that big. But then again, the dragon had caught him off-guard, so perhaps his instincts are a little off tonight.

“You know, I might’ve come upstairs anyway,” Kakashi tells him. “If he’d asked me nicely.”

When no response is given, Kakashi continues, stacking piece after jenga piece by himself.

“That’s traditionally how the date thing is done. First conversation, then we decide if we want to spend the night together. He must be very out of practice.”

His companion mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

“We don’t need a chaperone,” Kakashi points out helpfully. “I promise. I’m a very respectful date… what did the other one call you? Kakuzu?”

His question is met with a groan of disapproval, which Kakashi takes to mean ‘yes.’ “Kakuzu,” he says, in the same reasonable voice he uses when tutoring his students, “You seem tired. Really, I’m fine here. Where would I go?”

He gestures to their surroundings. The single window has nothing below it but a moat, and there are no other points of entry. Kakashi’s thought of at least thirty plans of escape, and for twenty-nine and a half of them, he doesn’t like his odds.

“Listen, if it’s the money you’re worried about… I have some gold on me. It seems like we’ll be staying in tonight, anyway.”

Kakuzu’s posture shifts at the mention of payment. _Bingo._

Kakashi throws his coin purse, and tries not to blink at the distinctly claw-like hands that grab it. His plans for observation go out the window with Kakuzu when he realizes his bodyguard is hoisting himself across the bricks with hundreds of thick grey tendrils attached to his body.

He sighs, and begins searching the tower.

If Kakashi had to guess the personality of the chamber’s owner based on his belongings, he wouldn’t know where to start. In the closet he finds at least twelve different shades of the same cape. Looking underneath the bed yields a startlingly life-like statue of a man cast half in black and half in white that Kakashi swears is winking at him. He moves onto the desk quickly after that.

The book he finds in it reads, in bold lettering, _DO NOT TOUCH,_ which seems promising. There are dogs on the cover. That seems promising too.

_Tenzō and Rin are probably laughing at me somewhere,_ he thinks, as he pulls it into his grasp.

The crash from the window is not nearly as disconcerting as the beam of blinding light that follows.

* * *

“That is not how you greet a date,” says Tenzō, affronted.**  
**

Kakashi gapes. “Tenzō? Rin? What are you doing here?”

Brushing himself off, Tenzō shrugs. “Being attacked by a dragon. Why are you here?”

“I’m on a date,” Kakashi explains. He looks at the cloaked figure still upturned on the floor. “With him, I think.”

Rin nudges Tobi with her boot. “You arranged a date with all three of us on the same night?”

Tenzō looks heavenward. “Is that really what we’re mad about?”

Rin and Kakashi look at each other, and then nod at Tenzō. “A little, yeah.”

“I, for one, would like to know who we’re dealing with,” Tenzō remarks, crouching down by their host’s face. He pulls a spade out from his robes, and prods him sharply in the side. When this elicits no response, Tenzō rolls the man over.

Two intakes of breath punctuate the motion. “Rin,” says Kakashi urgently.

“I didn’t know either,” she replies. Shifting forward, Rin places a hand on Tenzō’s shoulder. “I’ll heal him.”

Tenzō rises, glancing between his two companions. The room is silent but for the sound of Rin's healing magic and the slight creaking of the door. “You know him?”

“It’s Obito,” says Kakashi.

“Obito, your old and dead teammate? That Obito?”

“I’m not dead,” says Obito, sitting up abruptly with the aid of Rin’s healing magic. Tenzō yelps. 

Kakashi feels a little lightheaded. “We need to talk.”

* * *

Reconciled to the fact this evening is going to make no sense at all, Kakashi extends a hand to Obito. After a moment of hesitation, Obito takes it. There is a warmth between their fingertips that Kakashi takes to be familiarity, until suddenly, where there was empty space, there’s a small dog that Kakashi lunges to catch.**  
**

“Well hello, are you lost?” Kakashi asks, once the puppy is cradled in his arms. The Chow Chow merely tucks itself under Kakashi’s chin, which is a better answer than he could’ve expected.

Tenzō elbows him, careful not to jostle the animal. “What, you’re finally showing us what your powers are? Right here?”

Rin levels him with a doubtful look. “I have a hard time believing you could make infinite dogs and you limited yourself to eight. Konoha should be overrun with wagging tails by now.”

Shaking his head, Kakashi replies, “I didn’t make him appear.” He pauses, looking at Obito. “At least, I don’t think I did? Obito?”

Obito’s eyes narrow, and then widen. _“You read my diary,” _he says suddenly, with surprising indignation for a man who has confessed to running a magical terrorist ring.

“Diary?” Kakashi repeats, adjusting his grip on the dog. When his fingers touch, there’s twice as many puppies in his arms as before. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. This is the best date I’ve ever been on.”

Grabbing the book still lying open upon his desk, Obito shows them the same cover Kakashi had been inspecting earlier. “Anyone who lays a hand on this journal aside from me becomes overwhelmed by beasts!”

“They do look ferocious,” Rin teases, scratching the second dog behind the ears.

Obito eyes the scene, uncertain. “Curses aren’t an exact science! The book knows what it’s meant to do.”

Tenzō steps closer to Obito, considering him. “If you’re so worried about what’s going to happen to Kakashi, then take the curse off of him.”

Obito hesitates. “Wizards… are supposed to stand by their principles.”

This time, it’s Rin who steps closer, boxing Obito in. “You don’t know how to reverse the spell, do you?” she asks, trying not to laugh.

“Curses aren’t an exact science,” Obito says again, defensively.

A groan echoes throughout the room from his former teammates. “Why would you use an enchantment you don’t know how to break?” Kakashi asks, while the dogs try to climb up his shoulders. Three, now, as he reaches out to steady one with both hands.

“If it stumps me, it should stump all of my enemies.”

Tenzō puts his head in his hands. “I hate that he’s starting to make sense to me.”

“It happens sometimes,” Kakashi says sympathetically. The long-suffering tone is belied by the puppy licking his cheek above his mask.

* * *

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Obito asks, clearing his throat for the third time since they’ve arrived. “Doesn’t Minato-sensei have a family now? Should we really be bothering him with this kind of thing?”

“It’s not our fault you broke Kakashi,” Tenzō mutters under his breath. They’ve improvised leashes for the dogs out of some of his gardening supplies, and dogs, which now number four, are mostly under his rein, though they keep tugging forward to approach Kakashi. One dog remains in Kakashi’s hands, thankfully keeping them occupied.

Kakashi opens his mouth, perhaps to argue the point of this curse being so terrible. However, whatever he is about to say is interrupted by the door opening to reveal a blond man in robes that look they belong more at a discotheque than at a ritual.

“So, what brings you kids here?” Minato asks, smiling broadly. “It’s unlike you to come for a visit unannounced.”

Kakashi and Rin shuffle aside so their final companion is clearly visible. “Obito?” Minato asks, gaping.

* * *

“That is quite the problem,” Minato muses, a hand at his chin. “It’s not a spell I’ve ever heard of before. And you have absolutely no idea how to counter it?”

Eyes turn to Obito once more, and he shakes his head. Kakashi sighs. “We were hoping you would know, sensei.”

“I know a few general counter-curses, but I suspect they won’t help in this situation. They’re for less powerful spells, like warts, or being turned into a frog. That second one’s surprisingly common, you know.”

Rin’s brow furrows. “Then there’s nothing we can do? Kakashi’s going to need to use his hands at some point.”

“I didn’t say that,” says Minato, with a knowing smile. “It’s common for some magical beings to cancel out a spell by using one that uses the same underlying magic. So in this case, it’s possible for us to free Kakashi by finding a curse of equal measure. Did you know that my teleportation magic is derivative of a curse?”

“Isn’t dealing with unfamiliar curse magic what brought us here in the first place?” Tenzō asks.

Minato tilts the brim of his hat. “It all depends on the strength of the spell Obito used. If he used a spell that’s stronger than my curse, then we’ll have to look for another answer.”

* * *

“And a second curse was supposed to have _helped?_” gripes Kakashi, clutching his forehead. “Now I can’t control where I go! This can’t be good for the dogs.”

“Well, there’s one other solution to your predicament,” says Minato, with a pensive gaze. “True love’s kiss.”

Kakashi looks pointedly at the ceiling. “If I were in love, why would I be on a dating app?” he asks, aware of four separate gazes on him. Well, eight, if he counts the dogs.

Minato shrugs, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m not saying you are, I’m just saying that it’s a method to break a curse.”

“Have you ever tried it?” Obito asks skeptically.

With a pointed look, Minato rejoins, “I usually memorize the counter-curse before I try out a new spell, Obito.” The younger man reddens, and glances around the room like the criticism might be directed at someone else. Minato stifles a laugh.

“You should try, Kakashi,” Rin says decidedly. “It’s better than not doing anything.”

Kakashi makes a startled noise. “Who are you suggesting I kiss?”

She shrugs, and gestures between her, Tenzō, and Obito. “Take your pick.”

The range of expressions Kakashi manages to convey with only his eyes in that minute is thoroughly impressive. His eyes linger on each of them, before he shakes his head. “I’m not going to choose between my friends,” Kakashi says firmly.

Obito huffs. “Then I’ll do it,” he says, reaching for Kakashi. Kakashi looks at him in him in surprise. “I broke you, I should fix you,” Obito adds, with a wry look at Tenzō.

Kakashi sighs. “I suppose I can’t argue with that.” Flushing, he adds to Minato, “Can you…?”  
  
Dutifully, Minato turns around and covers his ears.

He lets Obito pull him closer, and adds to Rin and Tenzō, “Hold onto us. If this doesn’t work, I don’t want to end up stuck in Minato-sensei’s ceiling.”

And so, with Tenzō at his back, and Rin at Obito’s, Kakashi closes the gap between them. With his lips brushing Obito’s, he reaches blindly for one of the hands at his side, and smiles when nothing happens.

Then, the ground is pulled out from under them.

* * *

“What happened to Obito and Tenzō?” Kakashi asks, trying to peer around the pumpkin.

A very loud, familiar voice, echoes through the room. “I’m Tenzō,” says the pumpkin, and Kakashi and Rin nearly jump out of their skin.

Carefully, they make their way to the other side of him. Sure enough, as if he were a jack-o-lantern, there is a vague impression of their friend’s features, along with a tuft of brown hair. The small frown is so characteristic of Tenzō that for a moment, Kakashi feels more normal and at ease than he has all night. Unwittingly, he imagines Tenzō in his own garden, and tries not to laugh.

“It’s not funny,” says Tenzō, even though it is.

Rin reaches out to pat his orange cheek. “Well, you make a cuter pumpkin than Obito did a dragon.”

“Hey!” a muffled voice interjects, offended.

Rin steps back to inspect the scene, trying to place the source of the sound. “Obito? Are you in there too?”

“Not quite,” Kakashi observes. He gestures towards the wayward limbs and messy hair sticking out under Tenzō. “Are you alright under there, Obito?”

Obito groans. “I’ve been better,” is his flat reply.

“Is anyone going to try to reverse this spell?” Tenzō demands. “I can’t exactly double up on curses like this.”

“Obito’s lips might already be touching some part of you,” Rin says with a giggle.

Kakashi can’t hold back his smile. “I think it might need to be his face, Rin. Stay there, Tenzō,” says Kakashi, like Tenzō’s not occupying fifty percent of the room.

Pulling down his mask again, Kakashi aims his lips at what he hopes represents Tenzō’s head. Where he touches, it glows, and he can’t tell if it’s the magic or what it looks like for a pumpkin to blush. Through another burst of light, the rough texture of the pumpkin is replaced by Tenzō’s warm skin. _Definitely blushing_, Kakashi notes, as he hears newly-warped buckles and accessories from Tenzō’s stretched clothing hit the dungeon floor.

When Tenzō recovers his voice, he says, with a hint of orange still in his cheeks, “The first one of you to make a gardening joke is being left in the dungeon.”


End file.
